Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
