Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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