you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
