Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
