You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
