Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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