The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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