My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
