Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize