we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
