I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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