there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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