hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
