Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
