i already hear my dad disowning me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
