...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
