Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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