That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize