just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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