my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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