I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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