my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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