omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
