Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
