remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
