brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
