All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
