I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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