8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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