You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So vagazzling was a success
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
