Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
