So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize