Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The Olympian is in my bed
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
