:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
