I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How's work?
Spinning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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