Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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