Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
