Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
