They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
