yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she smelled like a LAN party
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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