I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
