he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
