Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
