Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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