This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
