will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
