dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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