we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
