Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
