She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
