Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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