Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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