Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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