You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
