can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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