I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
