i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i believe in u and ur pee
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize