We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
