I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
