we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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