my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
