drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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