Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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