my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
