I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
