Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
